You cannot pour from an empty coffee mug. You also cannot manage well when your calendar looks like a Tetris board on level 29. This is the playbook I wish I had earlier.

Why self-care is a management skill

Managers are paid to make judgments, reduce uncertainty, and keep people moving in the same direction. That is hard to do when you are exhausted, context switching every five minutes, and answering Slack like it is a speed-typing contest. Treat your time, attention, and energy like system resources with limits, not like a bottomless carafe.

1) Calendar triage that actually sticks

When: 20 minutes every Friday How: Open next week’s calendar and label each meeting:

• Keep: Clear owner, agenda, and outcome.
• Combine: Two similar topics or overlapping attendees. Merge or turn into a written update.
• Cancel: No owner, no agenda, or “we always meet.” Replace with an async doc.¹

Script to send:

“I do a weekly meeting audit to protect focus. Can we convert this to a written update and meet only if there are blocking decisions?”

or (slightly more casual)

“Noticing some overlap here — would you be open to trying a written update instead?”

Pro tip: Default 25 and 50 minute meetings. Your future self would like to use the restroom. Also, leave a little coffee refill buffer between back-to-backs.

2) Batch 1:1s and add buffers

Back-to-back 1:1s will melt your brain. Group them on one or two days, then add a 10 minute buffer after every two for notes and a quick reset. Ideally, you are already keeping shared notes for each 1:1. However, if you are not, you should at least be keeping summaries or action items for each.

Template note at the end of each 1:1:

• What did I hear?
• One commitment from me
• One commitment from them
• Any feelings or signals to watch

If a day explodes, reschedule 1:1s before you reschedule your only focus block. Your report would rather have a solid 1:1 tomorrow than a distracted version today. However, try your best not to do this if possible. Your team member likely needs this time with you more than you might think. Constant rescheduling sends a message that they aren’t important. If you must skip the meeting, try to always reschedule versus outright cancel.

3) Slack hygiene that saves your attention

Set three status presets:

• Heads down, 90 minutes: “Working on X. DMs on hold. Tag @team-triage for urgent items.”
• Walking 1:1: “Away from keyboard. Replies may be short and full of typos.”
• After hours: “Off for the day. Call or text for true incidents.”

Notification filters to consider:

• Only alert on mentions in two channels: incidents and team-triage.
• Mute everything else after 6 pm local time. You are not the team’s Wi-Fi.

It’s also a great habit to set up a reminder to review your Slack notification settings quarterly. Most orgs tend to gravitate towards more Slack channels than less over time.

4) A two-line decision log to stop the 2 am brain replay

Open a note called Decision Log. For every decision you drive:

Date | Decision | Why it was right at the time | Review date

Two lines, not a novel. The act of writing “why it was right at the time” reduces second-guessing and gives you a way to revisit without shame if new info arrives. Spill the beans once, then sleep.

5) The weekly start-stop-continue check

I’m a big fan of retrospectives. Both for your team and yourself. As often as it makes sense for you, try to review what is and isn’t working. During your Friday review, answer these questions:

• What is one thing I should stop or delegate next week?
• What is one thing I should continue next week?
• What is one thing I should start next week?

Delegating tasks can be difficult, but it has so many upsides. As you continue to have professional development conversations with your team, you should be looking for opportunities to delegate tasks that align with their growth goals. These aren’t always obvious and don’t have to be large or long-lived projects. Anything that helps them gain experience in a new area or push themselves out of their comfort zone is a win.

6) Recovery is a deliverable

Put these blocks on the calendar as recurring events:

• Screen-free lunch (20–30 minutes). Yes, you can survive without email for a sandwich.
• Post-incident reset (15 minutes). Breathe, jot three observations, send any follow-ups, and close the loop.
• Weekly “walk and think” (30 minutes). No podcasts, no calls. Just walk. Ideas show up when you stop chasing them.

If anyone tries to schedule over these, they see a busy block with a real name. Treat them as meetings with your future self.

7) A simple energy budget

Each morning, write down the top three things and mark them H, M, or L for energy load. Put one high-energy task before lunch. Move low-energy admin to your natural slump. It is not laziness, it is physics.

Examples:

• H: Performance review drafts, hard feedback, architecture decision
• M: 1:1s, roadmap edits, stakeholder sync
• L: Approvals, expense reports, calendar shuffles

When an H task slips to 4 pm, you are borrowing tomorrow’s energy at a high interest rate.

8) The “office hours” experiment

Pick two hours a week where anyone can drop in with questions. This lowers random pings and lets you batch help. If questions repeat, write the answer once and share the doc.

Invite text:

“I am trying office hours on Tue 2–3 and Thu 10–11. Bring anything. If no one shows, I will enjoy the quiet and not take it personally.”

9) Boundaries with leadership that signal maturity

You can be helpful without saying yes to everything.

Swap “yes” with “trade”:

“I can pick up X this week if we pause Y or move Z to next sprint. Which do you prefer?”

Name your after-hours rules:

“I keep evenings quiet so I can show up with a full battery. If an incident hits, I am in. Everything else can wait for 8 am.”

Boundaries aren’t just vibes, they’re how you keep sustainable pace.

10) Bad day protocol: five minutes, four steps.

1. Write the three most stressful things on paper.
2. Circle the one you control. Do one small action toward it.
3. Text one peer manager: “Had a day. Do you have a minute tomorrow?”
4. Close the laptop for ten minutes. Drink water. Yes, water, not more coffee.

It is not glamorous. It is how you avoid spirals. Sometimes you need to go half-caf.

How you will know it is working

• You cancel or combine at least two meetings a week and no one notices.
• Your 1:1 notes are short, and action items close before the next meeting.
• Slack feels quieter. Your heart rate does not spike when it buzzes.
• You can name the one thing you will stop doing next week.
• You feel slightly more human by Thursday afternoon. Fewer jitters, more focus.

Final nudge

Pick two tactics. Put them on your calendar for the next two weeks. Tell your team you are trying an experiment so they know what to expect. If it helps, great. If it flops, also great. Now you have data.

You can’t pour from an empty mug. Protect your energy, and you’ll manage better